Put That Thing Back Where It Came From
by Dark Firaga Productions
Summary: Does anyone else think of Xion and Saix and think this? Parody of the Monsters Inc. musical of the same name.


~Day 75~

"I don't care what you think; we still need to use her!"

The peaceful tranquillity of early-morning Grey Area was broken as Xemnas snapped at his deputy. He and Saïx stood facing each other, glaring furiously. The other members lagged behind, trying not to interfere with their conversation, which looked like it would turn violent at any second.

"Why Superior!?" growled Saïx, forgetting all respect at talking to his master, "We need REAL members to do these harder missions! You know Xion is a mere puppet!"

Xemnas looked down his nose at Saïx, "She is one of us now, Saïx, and will be treated as such. Unless you are forgetting who the Superior is around here."

"She will never be one of us!" snarled Saïx, "NOW PUT THAT THING BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM, OR SO HELP ME…"

Saïx cut out as he suddenly realised everyone was staring at him. Xigbar and Demyx shared a glance, and Axel looked like he was about to burst into laughter. Feeling unnerved, Saïx had to think of something quick.

"Forgive me, everyone," he improvised, "we were merely rehearsing a scene for the upcoming organization play." He held out his hands as if holding up a name banner, "Put That Thing Back Where It Came From, Or So Help Me. It's a musical."

Suddenly Saïx began to jig, _"Put that thing back where it where it came from or so help me…"_

Xemnas backed up his words with 'bom-bomming' sounds as Saïx continued to sing, "_get that thing away from me you guuuys… put that thing, back, where it came from… or I'll poke myself in the eeeeyee!"_

Everyone glanced at each other. Luxord raised his hand to say something but thought better of it.

"It's a work in progress, and it will get better," summarised Saïx.

283 DAYS LATER…

Everyone was seated in a giant theatre. Every single Nobody, including all the lesser ones and even the Creepers (the Nobodies, not the Minecraft penis thing), was seated according to race. Each thing had a bucket of popcorn, which the Assassins delighted in throwing at Vexen's clones.

Everyone fell silent as Xemnas walked onto the stage. A single spotlight illuminated him. He picked up the microphone sitting on the ground and began to speak.

"Welcome… everyone… to the Organization's Play… starring, written, and directed by Sa-"

"And produced!" whispered a quiet voice.

"And produced by Saïx," the spotlight disappeared. "Oh."

Xemnas walked slowly off stage as the curtains pulled back, revealing the setting. It was a cardboard version of the Grey Area.

Saïx was standing in the centre of the stage. He looked over a clipboard carefully. "I'll never understand why we still have Xion. That thing is of no use to us. Why did Xemnas even bring it here in the first place?"

And who should walk on stage just then, than Xemnas. "I don't care what you think; we still need to use her!"

"Why, Superior!?" Saïx spun around to face him, "We need REAL members to do these harder missions! You know Xion is a mere puppet!"

"She is one of us now, Saïx, and will be treated as such. Unless you are forgetting who the Superior is around here."

Poof! Roxas walked on stage, "What's going on here?"

"Nothing," said Xemnas coolly, "we're just talking about your… friend's progress. About a recent fail? I'm sure I'm not the only one doubting her strengths." Xemnas then left.

"Why do we still have to have Xion with us?" snapped Saïx to himself, "if it were up to me, I'd just put that thing back where it came from."

Then the background track began playing. Saïx waltzed around the stage, with Roxas following uncertainly at his heels. Saïx sang, and Roxas bom-bommed along.

"_Put that thing back where it came from,__ or so help me! So help me! So help me get by…"_

Xigbar, Xaldin, and Luxord jumped out from behind the cardboard seats and jigged in the background, singing along with Saïx.

"_Put that thing back where it came from, Or so help me!"_

The three backups threw their arms in the air, "_SO HELP ME!"_

Saïx slid across the floor on his knees, "_I just gotta cry!"_

In the audience, a last-minute Dusk wandered in.

"Your seat is right over there, sir," a Berserker gestured to a seat near the front.

The scene was now a more padded-out Grey Area, with real seats rather than cardboard ones. The various Org members were sitting comfortably. Suddenly Xion rushed in, "Boo!", and all the Org members panicked and ran out.

Saïx moved into the centre of the stage, as the Org members continued to panic, and Xion chased them around the stage.

"S_he's a puppet, she's a puppet, she's not one of us. Trying to take care of her is not worth all the fuss! Her failings and mistakes upset our ultimate cause, for all of us in Castle that Never Was!"_

Xigbar spontaneously tripped, and the backdrop fell backwards and crashed with a mighty thud. The curtains closed quickly.

After some minor repairs, the show continued without interruption.

"What!? Whoa whoa, time out... You mean she, like, flew the coop?"

Everyone was now seated in Where Nothing Gathers or whatever their meeting place is called. Their chairs were much smaller than the real Where Nothing Gathers and they were set in a half-circle rather than all around. Demyx was leaning forward in surprise.

"Hah, preposterous," snorted Xaldin, "What would drive her to choose her own demise?"

Xemnas looked at him. "On the contrary. No one is to go looking for Xion without my express permission."

Roxas, seated in the middle of the stage, leaped to his feet. "What!? Why not!?"

"Your "friend" will be left alone." Saïx shot a glare at Roxas. "Or would you rather we find some punishment?"

"I'd rather you get her back!" snapped Roxas, whirling to face him.

"And why would we do that?" Saïx pretended to flick something off his coat nonchalantly.

Roxas gave a growl of anger. Xemnas interrupted him, "All will be revealed when the time comes."

Everyone paused as Axel walked into the centre of the stage. It was an aside: a thought spoken aloud.

"Hmm... which means, if the time doesn't come, things can stay as they are..." he said, stroking his chin thoughtfully. Some random in the audience cheered 'we love you Axel!' and he blew a kiss at them.

He then backed back up and got back onto his seat. Everything continued.

"Lord Xemnas has spoken." Saïx announced as if he were the Superior himself. "Obey, or face your end."

The audience let out an almighty boo. Saïx did a nasty hand signal and disappeared.

The other Nobodies disappeared, leaving Roxas alone. The spotlight focussed on him, and the background faded to darkness.

"_She's out of our hair…" _Roxas turned to the audience.

Someone in the audience whistled excitedly.

"_And just when I dare to care… She says, "Au contraire"… You're my pair... of friends… I love you..."_

Behind the curtains, Demyx burst into tears. "Keep it together, man!" whispered Xigbar.

The play took a sad turn after that, with Roxas fleeing, and Axel begging him not to go. Then it climaxed as Roxas and Xion gave it their all in their all-for-nothing final boss fight.

"Give me the power, Roxas!"

"Never! I'll never give!"

And then… Xion lay in the centre of the stage. Roxas held her close to him. All lights focussed on the two, and some quiet sobs came from some audience members.

"It's too late...for me to undo my mistakes," Xion said sadly, "But you can't let Xemnas... have Kingdom Hearts. You can't. Good-bye, Roxas. See you again. I'm glad... I got to meet you. Oh...and of course, Axel, too. You're both my best friends."

Demyx came out from behind the curtains, sobbing, and left the theatre.

Xion placed a hand on Roxas's cheek. "Never forget. That's the truth."

Her hand dropped as she began to glow. Gasps came from the audience at the awesome special effects.

"No! Xion…" the lighting illuminated a tear running down Roxas's face. "Who else will I have ice cream with?" a doo doo doo tssh sound played.

Suddenly Xion leaped up, "SEE YA LATER, BITCHES!"

Suddenly she exploded into glitchy bits. Lights blazed across the stage, providing a spectacular exit effect. The audience ummed and ahhed at the amazing lighting and special effects.

The effects stopped, leaving Roxas all alone on the stage, aside from a single seashell where Xion once was. He touched the shell gently, remembering his friend, and all the fun times they shared…

Saïx, Xigbar, Xaldin and Luxord came out of nowhere and pulled Roxas to his feet. They all looked at each other, and finally sang.

"_And so we put that kid back where she came from! And she helped us to find… A better tomorrow todaaaaaaaaay!"_

The audience began to cheer wildly, stamping and clapping. The actors all ran out onto the stage and bowed and bowed again. Even Xion came out from underneath the stage and bowed alongside them.

Roxas took a pace forward, gesturing to someone in the audience, "thank you! Thank you! What a night for my Somebody to be in the audience! Ladies and gentleman, my Somebody!"

Everyone cheered for Sora, sitting next to Riku at the back of the theatre. Sora waved a flag that said "XIII for the win" and whistled excitedly. Riku tried not to look embarrassed.

"Thank you World that Never Was!" Roxas cheered as the curtains closed.


End file.
